


The Epic Tale of Rodney & John, Two Girl Scout Cookies in Love [The Pix or it Didn't Happen Remix]

by bitter_crimson (Krim)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Cookies, Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-26
Updated: 2008-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-17 10:56:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10592556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krim/pseuds/bitter_crimson
Summary: Cookie porn, crumbs, strong language, extreme crackiness. Very image-heavy. No spoilers.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This remix was written with the permission of the original authors. Many elements were borrowed from their original version. Elements and dialogue new to this version of the story, along with the photographs, are mine.

Once upon a time, there was a box of Girl Scout cookies.

 

 

Now, Samoas are pretty complex: a vanilla cookie covered with caramel and coconut and chocolate. Not everybody likes them (even though they're actually the second most popular Girl Scout cookie). Some people just don't get Samoas, or think they're a bit too much.

 

Our story is about one particular Samoa. We'll call him:

 

 

 

 

Almost everyone likes Thin Mints. They seem outwardly simple, and people think they can eat a ton of them without getting full (but appearances can be deceiving).

 

Now, generally, Girl Scout cookies are segregated by variety. Samoas hang out with Samoas, Trefoils with Trefoils, Thin Mints with their fellow (slutty) Thin Mints, and so on. It's always been this way.

 

Until:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And John apparently was really cool -- at least, according to all the other Samoas. It was actually quite disgusting.

 

 

But strangely, John didn't seem all that interested in the simpering hordes.

 

 

 

 

 

Rodney was really far too busy to waste his time on an air-headed, wafer-thin, minty bimbo. Yet, for some indiscernible reason, the Thin Mint seemed set on spending all his time with Rodney.

 

 

But John just kept following him, so that didn't really work. Finally, Rodney broke, and demanded to know:

 

 

And John answered:

 

 

 

 

John's chocolate coating shined as he replied:

 

 

 

Rodney felt his own chocolate stripes soften as heat flushed across his surface.

 

 

After that, Rodney didn't mind John following him around very much.

 

 

(Though thankfully they weren't literally inseparable, as that kind of thing was generally the result of a bakery production line malfunction.)

 

As the two cookies spent more and more time together, Rodney found himself starting to worry about John's well-being, while previously he had only been concerned with his own.

 

 

 

But John just bumped up against Rodney and said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After that, the little touches between them grew more frequent. John would casually bump up against Rodney, or Rodney would lightly brush past John's flat side.

 

 

And things continued in that fashion, until one day, when John and Rodney were lounging together as usual, disaster struck:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After that, things between Rodney and John became more fevered.

 

 

But somehow, it still wasn't enough.

 

 

 

 

 

And so they had sex.

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

(Aw, you didn't think I was going to leave that part out, did you?)

 

 

John slid his mini marshmallow phallus into Rodney's hole slowly, pressing snugly against the stripes of chocolate. Rodney's breath hitched with each slight thrust John made forward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But all Girl Scout cookies come with an expiration date...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And there, it seems, our story draws to a close.

 

Except not really:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> There is now [a podfic/vid version of this](http://bitter-crimson.livejournal.com/640642.html) read by busaikko. Also have [a very cute fanart](http://www.flickr.com/photos/mistoacrilico/5334971884/) by [MisterAcrilico](http://www.flickr.com/photos/mistoacrilico/).
> 
>  
> 
> _[Ed. 4-11-2017: Yes, they're still in my freezer. ~~If you're reading this in 2017 or later, tell me what I should do with them. I thought about going full Attack on Titan on John and Rodney but I think 9 year old cookies will probably make me ill so I'm accepting other suggestions.~~ It's been decided they will go out in a blaze of glory, once again fucking with a marshmallow while I roast them on a grill, so that's finally settled now.]_


End file.
